Tuesday, November 12, 2013

For Evan Who is 40 Today

Do you remember that day back in 2006 when we met and we were going to run some errands in the morning before attending your fire spinning performance at the pansexual play party in  San Jose later that night?  How we agreed that we were going to dress scrubby and you showed up looking like a vintage dreamboat from heaven?  And then I literally kicked your ass until you made yourself look slightly less amazing (as if that is possible) to match my truly scrubby nature?

The night when we made the whole club dance like us and I made you drink redbull and vodka and you woke up with popcorn in your hair the next day even though there was no popcorn anywhere?

And the Miss. Havisham pre-Folsom party we had that same year when Folsom was really our deal all weekend long?  Do you remember how you Evan'd together the best outfit in the whole world for me?  The way you kind of always Evan together the best outfits in the whole world for me.

Scouring the SPCA during work?  And me instructing you: SMILE AT THEM!!  They are working!

Do you remember how you pilled Zelly that day at the airport when our hearts were exploding in our chest because we both knew it was wrong for me to be leaving - that I was leaving the right people for the wrong person and how it wouldn't be the same anymore but you still drove me to the airport and pilled the cat?

How I came back not long after and lived in your basement during what had to be one of the worst years ever....how we came through that even though it seemed impossible at that time?

How I fell in love with your beautiful, brilliant, vibrant children.  How they became my family?

And all of the nonsense we've gotten into at Harbin and hot tub joints across the Bay?

Your wedding day.

How you held me up during the heartache...and the heartache...and the oh my God breaking heart?

How you wrote me so sweet and shyly when you were transitioning to see if I would still love you.  How I could not scream loud enough through the computer - I will always love you and joyfully welcome all of your gorgeous incarnations!  Because I will always love you and all of your incarnations.  And I welcome them. And you. Always.  In all the ways.

How you paid my electric bill that January when the power was going to be shut off?

And stood by my side during the next heartache.....and all the scary stuff that ensued?

How you flew me home and femme'd me back into myself this year.  I have this picture of you in my head sewing those silk flowers onto the parasol you made for me to carry at Dore because you were really re-stitching my heart back together.  And you were meticulous and perfect about it.

That dinner with you, me, Justin and Billie where you ran into your old high school friend and introduced us as your family...do you remember how we all sat up a little higher in our chairs because that was true?  And after all of these years and everything we have survived together we have a family who we can be proud of and depend on because we're not going anywhere.  And that's what family is....people who love you who aren't going anywhere.

You are a piece of my heart.  You are a great and brilliant joy who makes me laugh like no one else in the world.  You are beautiful and smart and fun and weird and fucking important.  Brave and kind and thoughtful and self possessed.  I have never met a person so committed to living a decent and honorable life and I strive to be a better person because you inspire me to it.

You are my family and I thank God every day for it.
I sit up taller because of it.
And I don't despair because of it.

I am so grateful that you were born.  And I feel so lucky we found our way to each other.  I love you with all of the joy and gratitude I contain.  I have wrapped up all the stars in the sky to deliver to you later tonight...your life is as big as the whole sky and as shiny.  I will love you for the rest of this lifetime and through many, many others - I am sure of it.

All of the presents and spanks are for you today!

Happy Birthday my great platonic life partner and femme of my heart!!  It is only mildly annoying that you look so fucking ravishing  and handsome with salt and pepper hair.  Only mildly.  A million happy returns to you!!

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